" . . . and now, professional skateboarder demon . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
Dave still isn't sure how McCain to choose Sarah Palin to be his running mate. He pictures the Senator sitting at home one day leafing through an atlas, starting with the A's. He realized he's never been to Alaska. He decides to send someone there and have him come back with a Vice President. Bingo! But she only picked up a passport two years ago. She's never been out of the country. When you're the V.P., you're the next in line in case something happens. And when that something happens, when you get the call, well, there's no learning period. You're in. "You strap it on and you get in there." The audience laughs and Dave's unintended mental picture.

Republicans are defending Sarah Palin's lack of foreign policy experience by pointing out how close Alaska is to Russia. And if that's not enough to convince you, we take a look at what else she has going for her.
Announce:

"Many Democrats are attacking Sarah Palin for not having the foreign policy experience necessary to be vice president, and for not even having a passport until last year.
But Palin has learned much about foreign policy as governor of a state that's just 55 miles from Russia, by sharing a border with Canada, and from her many visits to the International House of Pancakes.
Sarah Palin: In France, pancakes are called 'crepes.'"

Did you watch the Republican National Convention last night? Fred Thompson spoke. Dave says Fred Thompson is thisclose to becoming a 'hump.' Dave holds up his fingers about an eighth-of-an-inch apart. "He's not there yet, but he' working on it. Tonight, we have something called, "FRED THOMPSON: CONGESTED STATESMAN."
We see clips from his speech at the Convention, clearing his throat time and time and time again.
Afterwards, Dave says, "He closed the gap. He is actually a hump."

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
We see the President dancing and playing the drums. It's why we elected him.

ACT 2:
ANDY KINDLER AT THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION - An excited Andy looks over his shoulder at the near-empty Convention and bursts, "It's really starting to heat up now!" He adds that the Republicans really know how to party, they just choose not to. Andy then introduces his visit to politicians, pundits, and delegates in something he calls a comedy package.

ACT 3:
DR. PHIL
Dave gets right to it. Is there trouble in the Dr. Phil household? Dr. Phil knows what Dave is getting at but does a bit of hemming and hawing before answering. Dave coaxes, "C'mon, girl, open up!" Of course, Dave is referring to the "crap in the tabloids" about Dr. Phil and his wife . . . . Brenda? . . . . are getting a divorce. It was in all the newspapers, all the magazines. Dave holds up a magazine he saw at the supermarket to back his point. Dave mentions that Dr. Phil's troubles were plastered on the cover of a recent "Good Housekeeping" magazine. Dr. Phil calmly corrects, "That's actually 'Ladies Home Journal.'" Dave laughs at his own error but wonders if there really is any difference? Dr. Phil assures all that there is nothing to the rumors. Dr. Phil saw one photo in the tabloids of his getting into his car holding a bag. The headline read that he was kicked out and leaving home. Dr. Phil says he was holding his tennis bag. "I was going to play tennis!" He adds, "And if I'm getting kicked out, I'm taking more 'djoy' than just my tennis racquet!"
So that's settled. There is no trouble in the McGraw household.
What about Sarah Palin's pregnant 17-year-old daughter? Dr. Phil says that has nothing to do with whether Sarah Palin will make a good vice president or not. Dave says he would like a possible president to have had at least a 5-minute sex talk with her daughter. Dr. Phil, in a bit of disbelief, lectures Dave that if he thinks his son Harry at 17 years old will heed every bit of daddy's advice, then Dave is in for a rude awakening. Home talks don't always measure up against the heat of passion in the back of a Chevy. You can talk talk talk talk and talk, and your typical teenager will not listen, not listen, not listen, not listen, not listen, not listen.
What's new on the Dr. Phil show this year? Dr. Phil is always retooling. Dr. Phil says the first show will be about the web. Dave says, "I don't know what that is." Dr. Phil can only sigh at the lost cause in front of him. Dr. Phil refers back to the sex addicted staffer we had on early in the show. Dave shares this story about sex addiction. Many years back, he had a "friend" who was newly divorced. Being a free man, he decided he wanted to do it with as many cocktail waitresses he could. He became a very busy man. Dr. Phil asks, "Was your 'friend' a cranky guy?" Dave thinks a moment and says, "Not in those days!" Well, the guy's girlfriend found out and he was instantly no longer addicted.
Dr. Phil - always entertaining. His show is debuting its 7th season this Monday, September 8th. He also has a new book coming out the 16th, "Real Life: Preparing For The 7 Most Challenging Days of Your Life."
And his son is producing a new show, "The Doctors," coming soon to a TV near you.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Tomorrow on the Late Show, Dave welcomes Robin Williams, Shannen Doherty, and musical guest, Duffy. The Late Show, providing the tri-state area with quality meats and cheeses since 1993! We'll be right back."

ACT 6:
TILDA SWINTON: From the film, "Burn After Reading." Tilda is from the small town of Nairn in Scotland, a place she still lives. This summer, Nairn hosted a film festival lasting 8-and-a-half days. It was fantastic for the town and a lot of fun. Three films were shown a day, with the entry fee of $5 or a tray of cookies.
Tilda is a mom to 10-year-old twins. Dave asks if that is twice as hard as raising one. In the shack, I yelled, "Ooooh, I'll take this one!" Raising twins is more than twice as hard as raising one. It's about 4 times harder. New parents of singles will look at moms of twins and wonder how it can be done. It is very stressful. I tell parents of singles about raising twins, with diapers and feeding and burping and putting to bed and 3:00 AM changings: "When you're done, we're only half done." But by the time the twins are 4, in some ways it becomes easier than having one. They've got a playmate.
Earlier this year, Tilda won an Academy Award for her role in "Michael Clayton." What was that experience like? Tilda says the whole thing seems like an obscene rumor. She can barely remember anything that happened, everything is a blur. And she still doesn't want to even try to remember it. She says it feels like she was a part of a strange orgy and somebody took photos but you don't want to see them. It was all too much.
Tilda's new film, "Burn After Reading," opens Friday, September 12th. In the clip, John Malkovich is telling his wife (Tilda) that he just quit his job. And what does he expect to do now? It was very funny watching Malkovich attempting to make sense of his apparent rash decision.

ACT 7:
TRICKY: From his forthcoming album, "Knowle West Boy," Tricky performed "Council Estate."

And that was our show for Wednesday, September 3, 2008.



Sarah Palin really wants to be the next Vice President of the United States. I think she wants to slow down and relax a bit from raising 5 kids.

Republicans are getting desperate. Now they're spreading rumors that in college, Barack Obama listened to Cat Stevens.

How'd you like Sarah Palin's speech last night? Very entertaining, though I was more impressed with her 7-year-old daughter, Yellowstone, or something like that. She is one sharp little kid; very aware, responsible, and capable. I could tell just by the way she spoke to her older sister and cared for her new brother.

OK, so America sees the violent anarchist demonstrators in Minneapolis/St. Paul looting and destroying and creating mayhem. Most viewers will be disgusted by their means of demonstrating. What were they demonstrating against? I don't know, and I have a feeling they don't know either. But since they were in St. Paul during the RNC, I took it as though they had something against the Republicans. What have they accomplished? Democrats will still vote Democrat. Republicans will still vote Republican. But many who are undecided will look at their behavior and decide they do not want to "reward" their actions and will not want to be on their side. These Undecideds will turn away from the demonstrators and lean more towards the Republican ticket, creating the opposite results desired by the demonstrators. Whatever they're selling, people are not buying. Peaceful demonstrations may not get you on TV, but violent demonstrations may do your cause more harm than good. And that's a memo.

Here's something I wonder about . . . . the Major League Baseball Players Association . . . the baseball players' Union . . . . who would they rather see go to the playoffs: the Tampa Bay Rays or the New York Yankees?
I suspect the Players' Union would rather see the highly-paid Yankees make the playoffs. They want owners and fans to equate high salaries for players with making the playoffs. If the Tampa Bay Rays, one of the lowest paid teams in the Major Leagues, win the A.L. East and make the playoffs, other owners can sell to their fans that high-priced ballplayers aren't necessary to bring a pennant to their team. They could argue that winning baseball comes from good hungry young players. Owners could argue that instead of paying $15 million for a 36-year-old outfielder, they could get more out of a $350,000-a-year, 24-year-old, 2nd-year player. The Players' Union does not want that. Lowly-paid baseball players winning pennants and World Series would be disastrous.

People are so much more impressed with how somebody says something than what that person actually says.

Good news in the McCain camp today: No reports of any new Palin pregnancies.

How come Republicans say they don't know enough about Barack Obama, yet they already know all they need to know about Sarah Palin?

The opinions expressed in the Wahoo Gazette do not represent the opinions of its writer.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
The Director of Culinary Operations for the Alicart Restaurant Group, it's Glen Rolnick
This concludes another episode of Cameo Mention of a Wahoo Reader

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com